What It Took For Me To Admit I wanted More.

Finally it has happened. I have had something bubbling up inside of me for years now. Yes, years and I finally said it out loud today, “This is NOT the life I want!” Yup, that’s right. I believe now I have been terrified to admit this, terrified to admit the very life I created is NOT completely what I want. There are aspects yes, but I am not done and I will be damned if I leave this lifetime without creating and experiencing myself and my life fully and in exactly how I most deeply desire it.

I have been spending the better part of my life watching other peoples stories and wishing it was me. Well, no more! There is no reason I cannot have the life I want. I am the only one stopping me from experiencing it.  

I can feel it now and it is palpable. So, while I have been pissed off at everyone asking what’s your 2019 goal, what do you want to create, I finally realized my disgruntle has come from my lack of acknowledging one thing. I. WANT. MORE!

I can feel this declaration is what has been wanting to explode from me for a very long time. When asked by a close friend what my next steps were to create this I immediately went into my overwhelm place. Then I quickly  transitioned out of thinking about the do’s I needed to tackle to get and into the feeling of the desire itself and replied, “I am simply going to enjoy this feeling of knowing and follow it where it wants to take me. I took an expansive breath in and exhaled complete  freedom and spaciousness.

I won’t leave this life without living it exactly how I want. 

Do you know this experience? Are you living the life you want? Why not if you aren’t? If so what did it take to make it happened? 

Tourist as Subject

During my last trip to Italy, which I am in full remembrance of since it was exactly a year ago, I quickly tired of photographing the sites in the same way it has most likely been photographed millions of times. Don’t get me wrong I loved creating photos of the beauty of Florence & Rome.  I couldn’t pass up creating photographs of things like the Duomo & the Arno, they are magical and historic and beautiful. Yet, on one of my last days in Italy I entered into the Pantheon and as I stepped gingerly into the sea of people from all over the world I realized there was something more to see and capture. I waned to create something different, something we don’t usually focus on when we are traveling. For me this was the tourists who like myself were seeing these majestic pieces of history for the first time.

After I made my way around the inside of this stunning space creating detailed impressions of what I saw as interesting and beautiful I turned my lens to my fellow explorers.  It brought an immediate smile to my face to witness how people reacted to and within this incredible place. I was enthralled watching each indivudual reaction that emerged over the many faces  in front of my lens as well as how complete strangers maneuvered and danced around one another. They were sweet, endearing, and at times delightfully child like in their vulnerability. It was not lost on me that I had some of these same reactions.

This was our common humanity coming to the surface. My desire to see others for the beautiful authentic humans we are was satiated in my exploration. I found so many interesting elements not only in the main subject but also in what was happening around them. I continued documenting these moments as I traveled the next two days around Roma.

I look forward to more opportunities to continue this new photographic journey. I hope these bring a little smile or recognition of sameness we all share and I look forward to more opportunities to continue this new photographic journey. I hope these bring a little smile or recognition of sameness we all share.